Dipshit of the day: Toilet paper links man to heist attempt

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Police say they matched a would-be pizza shop robber to a roll of toilet paper in his Pennsylvania home.

Uniontown police say 29-year-old Eric Frey tried to rob Michael Maria’s Pizza on Saturday by handing an employee a note written on toilet paper that read: “I have a gun. Give me $300.”

Police arrived before Frey could leave because an employee hit a panic button.

Frey told officers he was forced to commit the robbery by a large, bearded man with a gun who accosted him in a nearby alley.

But police say a search of Frey’s apartment wiped out that explanation: That’s where they say they found a newly opened roll of toilet paper with the pen impression from Frey’s note on an outer sheet.

Moral of the story?  Wipe your ass before using the toilet paper to rob a store.

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