Listen, I’m not Doc Brown. Hell, I’m not even Marty McFly. I don’t know if time travel exists. What I do know is I’m a gullible asshole and if someone says they came from the future to tell me what the 24th century is like, I’m gonna put down my smooth and delicious Busch Light Beer and listen closely. Hell, I was ready to join kid from Mars’ cult! I mean, what if he really is from the future? Wouldn’t you rather waste a few minutes just in case? Maybe get the results for some horse races and go full Biff Tannen? Or would you rather be that asshole still in California when it breaks off into the ocean because you were too cool for time travel?

So, this creepy time-traveling (allegedly) weirdo goes by the name Gerard Gardner and holy shit this has to be real because that would literally be the most obvious fake name ever. He claims that back in 1988, as an employee of the English government, he was sent ahead to the year 2300. He’s very forthcoming about the whole project saying, “If they could do this, they would have great power over our society, and they knew they must perfect this technology before any other country does.” That’s some Illuminati level stuff right there.

Let’s start at the top because apparently acrophobia has been eradicated and cities in the future will be built more than a mile in the sky. Well, except for Los Angeles. The City of Angels has apparently sunken into a murky abyss of flavored seltzer water and vape juice. Why floating cities? Because it helps with pollution, duh! This floating effect is accomplished through our perfected anti-gravity techniques. I know what you’re thinking, “hoverboards!”

In the future, we’ve all been assimilated into the Borg. Ok, not entirely, but we are being controlled and governed by an incredibly powerful computer. Free your mind, Neo! These computer overlords have done away with rules and busted laws down to more suggestions, or guidelines. That doesn’t sound terrible I guess…

So, what if you break one of Cybertron’s “guidelines”? If your offense is minor you’re sent to a work camp where you presumably manage cable and blow dust out of keyboard for 15 hours a day. For those of you who get a little more carried away with your law-breaking, your consciousness is uploaded to a computer where its kept Minority Report style for however long a computer algorithm decided it should be.

So, that sounds pretty fucking sketchy, but it’s not all bad. In the 24th century, there is no money, no banks, and considering that, it’s not too shocking that there is also no war. In fact, Gardner enjoyed his time in the future so much, he says through tears that he would have stayed there longer if he could. I’ve woken up from dreams like that too, my man. I feel you. So this is all pretty fucking wild, but it’s also kind of fun to imagine. Watch the whole video for yourself and see what you think.

DAWG SAYS: NOW THERE WILL BE SOME ELITE BRITISH PEOPLE WHO WILL BE BETTING EXTENSIVELY ON CRICKET, SOCCER, NFL, AND AGAINST WORLD PEACE.

watcha gotta say?

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