Athlete So Oppressed By America That She’s Representing America In The Olympics

In a move many are hailing as both “stunning” and “brave”, hammer-throwing athlete Gwen Berry turned her back on the flag as the national anthem played after she qualified to represent America in the Olympics.

“America stinks, and it has oppressed me my entire life,” said Berry. “My qualification for the U.S. Olympic team is just another example of the long string of systemic injustices I have suffered at the hand of systemic white systems of Western cis-patriarchal oppression and the systems of hetero Christian male dominance and the… what was I talking about? Oh yeah– America stinks and I’m oppressed!”

Berry says she hopes to share her inspiring message with young girls of color everywhere– that they will never belong in America, be happy in America, or be free in America due to the color of their skin.

“I am disgusted with myself for representing this racist country in the Olympic games, but it was my only option since China doesn’t really let black athletes compete. I look forward to the universal acclaim, Nike endorsement deals, and vast riches that are coming my way! Yay me! Also, did I mention I’m oppressed?”

Nike has applauded Berry’s bravery and has offered her a $327 million endorsement deal and her own line of Uyghur-made clothing.


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